


Ara headcanons

by matan4il



Series: Ara [2]
Category: Emmerdale
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-31
Updated: 2017-08-31
Packaged: 2018-12-22 02:13:00
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,865
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11957556
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/matan4il/pseuds/matan4il
Summary: The last chapter of Things We've Learned from the Fire mentioned Robron wanting a little girl who they'll name Ara. These are a few headcanons (can be read independently from that story) that I have for Robron and her. Ara Abigail has Aaron's looks (brown curls of hair) and Robert's character and she was brought into this world by the two of them together.Dedicated to Isabellaofparma, Ara is the product of her beautiful mind.





	Ara headcanons

**Author's Note:**

> I'll add on to these as the mood hits...

*

Sometimes Aaron looks at Ara and sees her, but also the night he and Robert decided that they are going for this for real - can still remember the kisses they exchanged and how they felt different, like something was already shifting and evolving in them - and he gets so choked up he has to avert his eyes away and tell Ara to hurry up and finish her food or clean up some of the mess she's made with her toys all over the floor. At first it works as a distraction tactic, but Ara has Robert's gift for reading Aaron, or maybe she’s just a damn smart kid. So one day Aaron's surprised to find that her reaction isn’t to follow instructions, nor to argue, but to come over and hug him.

*

The slice of sky that Robert can see through the window is grey and clear. This is why autumn is his favorite season. Because the air is so lucid, you can see for miles and miles ahead, sometimes right into the future. Robert doesn’t need to see his future. It’s right there in his arms, cuddled to his chest. He draws Aaron closer in, engulfs him with everything he’s got, careful not to make it uncomfortable for Ara who is tucked in between the two of them, places a kiss against his husband's temple as he listens to the peaceful sound of their breathing and continues to watch the world unfolding outside.

*

The Mill is Ara's favorite place in the world because there is so much space there for dreaming. Where the walls are blue she can see the night skies and the fairies that are dancing amidst the stars. Where the garden behind the house is wide, she can explore secret kingdoms. Sometimes she's the princess. Other times, she's the lady knight. Her adventures never end, instead flowing one into the next. When she was younger, she used to tell Daddy and Papa all about them, point to the bush that was the evil dragon's lair, show them the pile of sand where she built her castle. She doesn't anymore, protecting those stories with soft silence, but Aaron's learned to read them in where her eyes turn to, in the specific way she smiles when she's a little quieter. "She's a fantasist, like you," he tells Robert and it's meant to be a poke at all the scheming his husband used to do. Somehow, it's the proudest Robert has ever been.

*

Her favorite thing is when Daddy gets bored and tired with working at the scrapyard and Papa decides he needs a break, so he packs them all into their car (sod school, he insists before Daddy chides his choice of words) and they head for a week of vacation. The first time they did this, they all slept in a big tent on the beach. Ara took in the feel of the wet sand between her bare toes and the sound of the waves whispering in lost languages. She almost didn't want to go home, but Daddy promised her (and Papa with a kiss) they would do this again. By the end of that week, Ara had a song for the sea and a special laughter that bubbled out of her whenever she remembered. She's not the only one, there's a slowly growing collection of shells and unique rocks on Daddy's bedside shelf that Papa keeps adding to.

*

Liv rolls her eyes. She does that a lot whenever Daddy and Papa are smiling at each other goofily and say things to the other that Ara doesn't fully get. Sometimes it's stuff that makes them stare tensely, other times they laugh at each other. Liv always reacts like it's the worst thing ever. Once she even brought Ara into it. "What, right in front of my niece? Do you have NO shame?" That just made Papa and Daddy laugh more. It would be confusing, the expressions she doesn't understand, the weird reactions from Liv, the way her dads are taking none of those seriously. Only Ara can see in her mind the edges of what they're all saying and those are shining with love. "You came from love," Papa answered her that one time when she wanted to know the real answer to kindergarten stories that involved storks for the most part. Ara looks at Liv scrunching her face at her giggling dads and knows this is where she came from.

*

Robert can’t count the number of mistakes he’s made over the course of his life. He doesn’t even have a ballpark figure. What’s worse is that for the most part, he knew his actions were the wrong ones even as he was carrying them out. That makes him too aware that his life should have been an ashen pile of failures. Instead, he’s holding his and Aaron’s baby girl in his hands for the first time, supporting her head and taking it in. Just how tiny her nose is. The way her few dark hairs are sticking from beneath the small, white beanie Aaron stuck on her. How her eyes are wide shut, eyelids covering up the dreams she must be witnessing in the sleep that she already trusts him to hold her through. Robert wouldn’t undo a single one of his mistakes for fear it might have led him to any other place but right here.

*

Before Ara was born, Chas had reminded Aaron that there will be times when he will think he's about to lose his mind with worry over his daughter's safety and wellbeing. And that God knows, there are going to be more such moments than he could ever prepare for (how does anyone survive being a parent? Chas had admitted that she was not sure anymore, but her fond, nostalgic smile had testified she wouldn't have given up the experience for all the difficulties that came with it and more). Whenever that happens, she had gone on telling him, he has to focus on one idea, one thing that will keep him calm. He mulled that over in his head for quite a while, but he wasn't sure what could possibly be powerful enough to serve that purpose. When Aaron sees their daughter in Robert's hands for the first time, tiny and held carefully between those long, tender fingers, small figure against massive palms, he knows he has his answer. Those hands have embraced him and supported him during so many instances. They would see Ara through anything.

*

Robert's not sure when exactly he started doing it, collecting in his mind songs that were now forever tied in with the early years of Ara growing up. The first one that was added to this, he reckons, is the song he heard in the hospital the first time they bring her in for check ups. They're waiting in the office for the results. It's all standard protocol, but the doctor is taking his time coming back to them and they're both too tense to be able to talk. The nurse station's radio is on and the notes filter through. 'Well, you're magic, he said' catches Robert's ear and he notices his nervous fidgeting started syncing with the melody. He didn't realize it, until Aaron placed his hand on Robert's, smoothing over his skin in small motions, joining him rather than stopping his movements. For Ara's tenth birthday, Robert prepares a mixed CD in two copies, one for Ara and one for Aaron and him. When he's away on a business trip, it's always the first item he packs into his bag.

*

When Ara is about four, she starts stealing food from their plates. At first, she goes after Robert's dishes, but quickly enough she decides she prefers Aaron's toast. Neither dad is happy about it. Ara gets her hands and clothes quite dirty in the process, Robert is displeased when bits of his salmon end up on the floor and Aaron has to make a third round of toast while their little girl's own plate, with a much more nutritious variety of contents, remains neglected. They try talking to her, explaining why she shouldn't do it. They try being stern and final. It doesn't really work, she always falls into the same pattern. There's even some business like negotiations based on the premise that Ara may not find her own food that tasty. Nothing works, until the day Liv simply asks her niece why she keeps taking food out of her dads' plates. Ara looks up at their expectant faces with her big eyes and replies quietly, "Papa and Daddy do it, so I do too."

*

Life is full of surprising balances, Aaron muses. Some of them parallel each other, while others complement. He thought of his and Robert's first meeting. That day, Robert lost his car and found Aaron. He was such a smug and entitled bastard. Aaron lost his cool, but found his heart. It makes him smile now, remembering how his blood boiled, after all these years being able to admit that it did for more than one reason. He finishes packing lunch in two separate boxes, one for himself at the scrapyard and one for Ara at school. Balances. Most people would say he's headed for the more important destination. He'd disagree. It's the first day of another school year and his daughter _is_ going to change the future. She's already changed so much of the present and the past. And what she'll do for things that are yet to come begins each day when she's headed off to the bus station. Liv is gonna take her over there, as always. Aaron thinks of their hair as they lean over the table to exchange a secret they're sure he and Robert can't hear. Their heads almost touching when there are soft rays of light caught in their hair. Liv has always seemed to Aaron like she could have been his husband's little sister or daughter, with her golden strands wildly falling over her shoulders. But there was no doubt in his mind that she got her attitude, her fighting spirit and tendency to get herself in a right mess from himself. Ara was quite the contrary, with her brown curls and quiet confidence that the world has no choice but to fall in love with her and give over to her wishes. Balances. Opposites that complete each other. They change the world, bit by bit, always making it slightly closer to perfect.

*

Ara's little baby body is the softest thing Robert has ever touched in his life, the most fragile thing he's ever held. The former first strikes him with awe, the latter then washes him with dread. He doesn't know how he's supposed to keep her safe. He wants to, more than almost anything in the world. His fingers toy with the blanket she's wrapped up in and he's lost. Then he feels a gentle touch at the small of his back. He doesn't have to look up from their daughter to know that it's Aaron, quietly soothing. Robert's hand caresses Ara's head cautiously and Aaron's joins him as it ghosts over his. There's no need to say a word. Aaron knows and is reminding him that he's not going to have to figure any of this out alone. Robert traces the line of Ara's cheek and out of the blue, she grabs onto the tip of his finger with her entire hand. She's asleep and he wonders if she's dreaming of them the way he knows they're now always going to be dreaming of her.

*

They bring in Ara for developmental check ups, but Robert is reluctant to hand over his little girl to a nurse that, quite frankly, looks much too young to be doing this fateful job. Aaron does his best to neither roll his eyes too hard, nor smile too glaringly as Robert grills the poor young woman and demands to see all the certificates for her qualifications. When everything finally checks out to his satisfaction and they can get on with it, the nurse registers every detail while Robert occasionally makes goofy faces at the bundle in her arms. When he hands her over to Aaron and steps out for a few minutes, to bring in the slightly thicker blanket that they left in the car (Robert doesn't like the alert on his phone that the temperatures are about to drop a little), Aaron realizes that in all the commotion, they forgot one thing. "Abigail," he points out to the nurse, "she has a middle name too, Abigail". He doesn't expect the wide smile he gets from the victim of Robert's interrogation. "Seems quite fitting," she says with a strangely fond tone. "What does?" Aaron's honestly baffled. "That you've named her _My father's joy_..."

*

The first time Ara tastes chocolate, they're at a party and it's her aunt Vic who offers her the little brown ball, wrapped up in a shiny cover, the professional chef all big eyes and anticipation to see her niece's reaction. Ara unfolds the cover slowly, suspiciously. One corner of her little mouth, Aaron notices, is stretched a bit back and to the side, like she hasn't decided yet what she would do in regards to this strange substance, whether she'll take a bite out of it or demand some answers on what her dads are up to exactly, like that time she caught a whiff of Daddy's beer. She immediately let them know it smells like Daddy's used gym socks, much to Aaron's affront and Robert's hysterical laughter and teasing. In contrast, the little chocolate ball seems to overcome her doubts after just a few seconds. The corner of her mouth gives in and when she takes that bite, her eyes close and don't open again for a few minutes. Robert knows immediately that they're going to have a little addict to the chocolate goodness on their hands. Looking at the color of her soft curls, the same hue as his husband's, he can't pretend it's much of a surprise.

*

One evening, Aaron comes in as usual to give Ara her good night kiss, but can't find her in her bed. The wave of nausea and panic that comes over him is like nothing he's ever felt before. He shouts to Robert and in no time, the both of them are running around through the Mill like madmen, no, not like, they are half mad with worry, looking in every corner, even the ones that don't make sense, sending text messages and making calls, trying their best not to think of the worst possibilities. It's Robert who eventually wanders into their attic, even though it makes little sense to him that she would be able to get there and feels relief set in when he takes her silhouette by the large window, which isn't supposed to be open. She fell asleep there and they're going to be appropriately cross with her tomorrow for going where she's not supposed to and giving them such a scare. For now, though, he settles for how glad he is that no harm has come to her and he picks her up in his arms, lets her warmth reassure him that the sky hasn't come crushing down on them, and makes his way to her bedroom. He thinks he can hear her mumbling, her head on his shoulder as he walks away from the window, "but Papa, the stars..."

*

It was Robert who kicked off the habit of singing to Ara a good night lullaby and he did so when he thought Aaron couldn't hear him. He can't keep anything from his husband, though, and soon enough Aaron was always present to listen when Papa sang, to listen. He didn't need to ask why this particular song. It was Robert, so Aaron knew. It wasn't long before an evening when Robert returned from one of his business trips with a sore throat and a sour mood. The latter, Aaron quickly figured out, was less to do with the fact that Robert was probably about to come down with something and more with having missed his family and this little unspoken of custom that they had developed. Aaron smiled at his idiot husband, took him by the hand to their daughter's bedroom and softly sang the lullaby, getting every word and note right as if it were his all along. Ara was surprised and delighted to hear Daddy sing, but the look in Robert's eyes, the closest Aaron can come to describing it is revelation and awe. After that, maybe they should have anticipated this. Aaron is standing outside his daughter's room, taking it in as Ara is making up her own lullaby, with her own melody, lyrics and dreams to convey. He's stood outside instead of entering, reluctant to take the risk of unintentionally stopping her. Robert comes up behind him, wraps up arms around his waist, lays his head on Aaron's shoulder. They're listening. And Aaron finds in this moment, he believes in all the fantastical things she's singing about. He believes in all dreams, big and small, in the ones that come true, in the ones that don't and most of all, in the ones that change shape over time until they take on a form eerily close to reality. He believes in all of them and more as he stands calm, eyes closed, cheek pressed against Robert's head, both of them listening to their Ara.

*

Aaron's tired a lot of the time. It comes with the business of being an adult. And he's a fighter and a survivor, so he's learned how to deal with it a long while ago, by just pushing it down, gritting his teeth and going on through it. Robert and Ara changed that coping mechanism. Nowadays, when he's tired, Aaron smiles. He thinks of the moment when he'll finish his work day at the yard and get home. He thinks of coming home to the Mill and finding Robert there, with their little girl in his arms. Aaron knows he's most likely to find his husband gently kissing her temple because she's a source of light and no one could bear to tear themselves away from that. Then he'll raise his eyes, looking in the direction of the opening door and they'll both exchange a look of wonder over how this could possibly be real. And Aaron will come over and put his arms around both of them, kissing Robert on the lips, then his daughter's forehead, then his husband again. Aaron is tired a lot of the time, and it feels like he's been tired most of his life, but nowadays, his life is sprinkled by the kind of love and happiness that re-energizes him and keeps him going almost effortlessly.

*

They're going to Ara's first dress up party and Robert has been fretting over this for weeks now. Aaron could only make a face at him because, "Robert, she's never going to remember any of it". It didn't matter, though, and in some ways has possibly even made Robert worse. "No one's even going to look at what she's in," Aaron tried that one too once, but the suggestion that anyone at that party may garner more attention than Ara only got him sent to the couch in the living room, so he's learned that lesson. Weeks passed and Robert only seemed to get worse, every evening meant another idea, another costume which would be The One, followed by frantic shopping online, just to come to the conclusion the next day that it's not good enough. The day of the party, Robert decides to skip work altogether and work through everything he's bought until he figures out what to dress their little girl in. When Aaron's finished dressing up, he goes into the nursery and finds a huge mess around the room and an even greater one in Robert. Aaron slides down to the floor and hugs his husband. "I just wanted her first costume to be the ultimate one," Robert whispers into his shoulder. "I wanted her to be able to look back at this and be happy and proud". Aaron kisses his cheek and drags him into their en suite, fixing a nice, relaxing bath for Robert. His husband is too exhausted to argue and by the time he emerges from their bathroom, Ara's costume is done. A tiara from a princess costume, a white dress from a snowflake one, a glittery wand from a fairy outfit and a pair of wings that Aaron improvised quickly out of one of Chas' old leftovers. "An angel?" Robert takes it in. "Do you like it?" Aaron's voice is hesitant. Robert looks up at him and his bright eyes seem to sparkle. "It's perfect". Aaron nods in response and grins, "good. You gave me the idea". Robert's raised eyebrow lead him to continue, "you reminded me that the best masks that we put on are the ones that show who we really are".

*

It's just a little disappointing to Aaron when Ara grows up and out of making up her own songs, but he keeps that to himself. It's his thing and he shouldn't lay it on her. He does confide in Robert one afternoon, who nods, understanding. His husband tries to comfort him, reminding him that even so, Ara has a voice that sounds like what gold would if gold would sing. Or would it be like silver? No, silver is more what Liv's voice sounds like when she thinks they can't hear her occasional singing when she comes out of the shower. Aaron snorts at his weirdo husband, but his eyes aren't as sad anymore and his smile is so full of affection, Robert doesn't know which matters more. That he can make the man he loves feel better, or that Aaron can still make him feel more accepted than anyone ever has. The next week, when Aaron comes back from work, he's surprised and slightly suspicious to find them all waiting for him with a strange sort of tension hanging in the air. "Alright, what are you lot up to? Give over," he demands. Robert just gives the girls a small nod and they start singing, a little quietly and hesitantly at first, but they must see something on Aaron's face that encourages them, because their voices grow bolder. It's one of the songs Ara made up and used to love singing on cold winter mornings. The combination of the three voices gives it a whole new life and the song never sounds more beautiful or magical than on that evening. Or like it could have been a professionally recorded piece. Aaron would never describe himself as sentimental, never. So what if Robert's recording of this moment does end up being the most replayed file on his phone and computer? It's a reminder to himself. No matter how grown up his little girl will get, her childhood will always live on. And no matter where life leads them, they will never lose their togetherness. 


End file.
